How to Pleasure a Woman: 10 Tips for Penetrative Sex

Learning about pleasure shouldn’t feel like an experiment in isolation, which is why we launched the How to Pleasure a Woman series to help along this journey.

When it comes to penetrative sex, both men and women are expected to somehow just know what’s going to feel good for them and their partner, what works, and how to make it happen. In reality, however, most of us haven’t had access to the right information or resources to guide us. What we’ve been exposed to is either too commercialized, unrealistic, focused on the male gaze and male pleasure, or just plain confusing.

We’re here to change that by offering honest, practical, and easy-to-understand advice that helps you connect with your partner in a deeper, more meaningful way and make sex more pleasurable for both of you. 

It’s time to stop guessing and start learning.

1. Start with emotional connection.

Before jumping straight into sex, remember that emotional intimacy is a key piece of the equation for many women. Take the time to build that connection through good conversation, sharing a joke or a meal together, or just cuddling and enjoying being close to each other. When she feels safe and cared for emotionally, she’ll be more relaxed, which can make the physical aspect of the relationship much more pleasurable.

2. Communication is everything.

According to research, partners in romantic relationships still only report knowing 62% of what their partners find sexually pleasing and 26% of what they don’t like.

Here’s a big one: ask her what she likes. It might sound obvious, but many men make the mistake of assuming they know what feels good for their partner. Every woman is different, so talk to her about what she enjoys. Ask about her preferences or check in during sex.

Numerous studies show that when couples do talk about their sexual connection, it has a favorable correlation with both their relationship satisfaction and their sexual satisfaction. Don’t be afraid to ask, “Does this feel good?” or “What do you want me to do next?”

3. Foreplay is key.

A big mistake would be to skip or rush through foreplay, thinking it’s not as important. Foreplay is so essential for getting a woman’s body ready for penetrative sex that we like to call it “core play”. In fact, studies suggest that 70-75% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and foreplay is a great way to make that happen. Take your time to kiss her, touch her, and tease her, and if you’re unsure about what works, just ask her what she likes. A little patience here goes a long way. Explore these 10 foreplay ideas to inspire your next intimate moment.

4. Don’t forget the clitoris.

Here’s something male partners often overlook: the clitoris has more nerve endings than any other part of her body. While penetration can feel great, most women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. You can use your hands, your mouth, or even try certain positions that stimulate the clitoris. Learn more about the clitoris and ways to stimulate it here.

5. A little lube goes a long way.

Lube is not just for emergencies or problem-solving; it can boost pleasure and make the whole experience feel smoother and more comfortable. Make sure to use a lube that’s compatible with your contraceptive method. Learn how to choose the right lube here.

 

Sayl Mauj's 100% natural lube, designed by and for women.

Shop Now

6. Experiment with positions.

Not all positions were created equal. Some might feel better for her than others. For example, the woman-on-top position, aka cowgirl, allows her to control the pace and depth, which can be great for her pleasure. Missionary can work too, but sometimes adjusting angles or trying a new position can bring you both a lot more pleasure. Talk about it and find what works best for both of you.

7. Go slow and be patient.

It’s easy to rush through things, but when it comes to penetrative sex, remember that women need more time to get fully aroused, and rushing through it can actually take away from the experience. Enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

8. Watch for body language.

Your partner’s body language speaks volumes. If she’s arching her back, moving her hips, or making certain sounds, those are usually signs that she’s enjoying herself. If she’s tense or quiet, it might mean she’s uncomfortable or not feeling it. Pay attention to how she reacts, and if she’s not responding the way you hoped, take a step back and ask her if she’s okay.

A message for our female readers: Please, do not fake your pleasure. It does men–and women–only a disservice. 

9. Aftercare matters.

What happens after sex is just as important as what happens during sex. Many women appreciate a little extra care afterward, like cuddling, holding hands, or simply talking about how you both felt. This helps to strengthen your bond and makes her feel appreciated and valued.

10. Avoid these common mistakes. 

• Stop asking, “Are you there yet?” It might kill the vibe and pressure her.
• Don’t get stuck in a routine. Change it up.
• Don’t take her silence as satisfaction. Ask her what she likes.
• Don’t just perform. Focus on being present and engaged, not on impressing her.
• Don’t do the machine gun thing the whole time. You know what we mean.

A Final Note

We know we said it before, but we can’t stress this enough: every woman is different, so it’s essential to listen to her needs and communicate openly about what you both like and enjoy.

More from

Relationship Tips

How to Pleasure a Woman: Setting the Mood

Read now

Related

 

Sex

How to Pleasure a Woman: Setting the Mood

Read more