5 Tips to Communicate Better During Sex


Everybody is different, and we each have our own sexual preferences, so expecting your partner to know exactly what you like without communicating it to them is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

man woman intimacy in bed

Partners are not psychics; they cannot read your mind to find out what you want or what feels good. You need to tell them what’s working and what's not, what you want more of or less of. You may not know either, and that's okay. That's all the more reason to figure it out together. After all, sex and intimacy are all about exploring and deepening your pleasure with your partner. 

If you're feeling shy about expressing your desires, perhaps out of fear of being seen as too pushy or needy, you'll be glad to know that research has shown the opposite to be true.

In heterosexual relationships, men generally prefer vocal partners who share what they like and want, as it helps them deliver more pleasure, and for some men that's a turn on. 

Here are simple tips on how to get better at communicating with your partner during sex.

1. Let your hands do the talking.

What we need to reach orgasm differs from one woman to the other, so unless you provide guidance on the type of stimulation you like, you are unlikely to get it. You can do this by putting your partner's hand in the right place, perhaps by guiding it with yours to the spots that feel good, by moving your hips, or even by changing positions yourself. 

2. Use your words to guide your partner. 

You can use words to convey your sexual desires, like asking to be touched here or there, harder or lighter, with more or less pressure. Phrases and words such as "I want you to," "more," “faster,” “slower,” and “harder” are good options to start with. Sometimes, however, certain words mean different things to different people; you can say "faster" and it can be misunderstood as "harder," so continue to give ongoing guidance throughout.  

3. Give positive feedback.

Similarly, when a partner does hit the right spots, you can give positive affirmation by saying something as simple as "yes," "that feels good," or "I like that, keep doing that." This will also encourage your partner to start doing the same. 

4. Noises are great too! 

Moans, groans, and sighs are all sexy. Giving positive reinforcement when your partner is doing something right helps them in knowing what you like and what’s working. Remember not to fake it, as that will just encourage your partner to do exactly what is not working.

5. Be open to feedback.

Encourage your partner to share with you as well. Ask them about what ways they would like to be touched and what feels good for them.

A Final Note

If your partner did something that didn’t feel good or you have some constructive thoughts that could be interpreted as negative feedback, don’t bring them up during sex or right after sex. These conversations are best had in relaxed situations outside the bedroom. 

Was this useful?

Did you find the answer you were looking for? Is there something we missed? What did you think of this resource? We want to hear from you.

Something went wrong! Please try again.

Thank you for your feedback!

Your suggestion has been received.

Create an account
Navigate personalized content journeys, get exclusive access to our community, save resources, and more.

Get started