Ask Mauj: About Orgasms, Libido, and Contraceptive Methods

In this month's Q&A, we're answering three of your questions about orgasming with a partner, changes in sexual desire, and birth control methods.

Q: I can reach orgasm alone easily, but not with a partner. What can I do?

A: Many people find it easier to reach orgasm alone than with a partner, and that's completely normal. This can happen for lots of reasons, like feeling more relaxed when you’re alone or knowing exactly what you like and how you like it in order to climax. If you’re struggling to orgasm with your partner, here are a few tips to try:

1. Learn About Yourself: Keep exploring what makes you feel good when you're alone. The better you know your body, the easier it will be to share what you like with your partner.
2. Talk About It: Have an honest chat with your partner. Let them know what feels good and what doesn't. Sharing what you do when you're alone can give them clues on how to please you.
3. Stay Relaxed: Sometimes, worrying about reaching orgasm can make it harder. Try to relax and enjoy the closeness with your partner, without focusing too much on the outcome.
4. Try New Things: Be open to experimenting together. Trying new positions, speeds, or even using pleasure products might help find what works best for you in a partnership.

 

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5. Be Patient: Building a sexual connection with someone can take time. Give yourself and your partner the chance to learn and grow together without pressure.
6. Consider Professional Advice: If you're really struggling, it might help to talk to a therapist or a sexologist. They can offer advice on overcoming any mental blocks or anxieties you might have.

Q: My sexual desire levels keep changing. Right now, I am struggling with low libido. Any advice?

A: It's perfectly normal for sexual desire to fluctuate over time due to a variety of factors like stress, hormonal changes, or lifestyle adjustments. Check out this resource to learn more about these causes.

Here are some steps you might consider to address the situation.

Think about what's been happening in your life lately. Sometimes being really stressed, not sleeping enough, or going through big changes can make you not feel like having sex. Knowing what's causing it can help you figure out what to do.

Talking to your partner about how you're feeling can help a lot. It takes the pressure off you and helps your partner understand what's going on. You can support each other and figure things out together.

We encourage you to find new ways to be close to your partner that don't involve sex, like hugging, kissing, or giving each other massages. Exploring new ways to be intimate can help reignite desire. 

If your low libido persists and it's causing you distress, consider consulting a healthcare provider. They can check for any underlying medical issues or recommend a therapist who specializes in sexual health.

Q: I don't want to use birth control pills and getting an IUD isn't an option for me. My boyfriend tries to be careful, and always pulls out. Is this method safe enough?

A: Choosing the pull-out method might seem easy and straightforward, especially when you're in a committed relationship. But, it's worth knowing that this way isn't very reliable. It works about 78% of the time, which means that over a year of using this method, 22 out of 100 women, or 1 in 5, would get pregnant.

This happens because men release pre-ejaculate before the main ejaculation, and this fluid can contain sperm,  potentially leading to pregnancy. Your partner ejaculating near the opening of your vagina can also lead to an unwanted pregnancy. 

Using the pull-out method essentially means you're relying on your partner to pull out at the right time, which can not only be tricky but also strips you of the ability to protect yourself by placing it in his hands. Lastly, it doesn't protect you from sexually transmitted infections (STIs). 

If you're interested in learning more about different birth control methods and how well they work, read this resource. 

Have questions you’d like us to answer?

Email us at [email protected], DM us on Instagram, or use this form to submit your question anonymously.

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