“Should I moan more?”

“Are they enjoying this?”

“Am I boring him?”

“I should try to come quicker.”

“Is he looking at my cellulite?”

“My stomach looks weird from this angle.”

Any of these thoughts sound familiar?

Mindful sex offers a path to rekindling the connection with our own bodies and desires that may have been lost because of social conditioning, cultural norms, and media portrayals.

Here are five tips to help you get out of your head and inside your body for a more mindful and fulfilling sexual experience.

1. Breathe and center yourself.

Focus on your breath and ground yourself in the present moment. Take a few deep breaths to calm your mind and bring your attention to the sensations in your body. Deep, slow breaths relax your body and create a natural rhythm that syncs with the ebb and flow of sexual energy. Keep reminding yourself to breathe throughout the experience. 

2. Engage your senses.

Take the time to explore the textures, scents, and tastes of your partner's body. How does their skin or the bed sheets feel against your body? What do they smell like? Can you hear them breathe and connect to that? 

You could also incorporate sensory elements into your environment. Dim the lights, play soft music, or use scented candles. When you engage your senses, you bring your attention away from distracting thoughts and into the richness of the present experience.

3. Maintain eye contact.

Maintaining eye contact during intimate moments can deepen the sense of intimacy between you and your partner and keep you grounded in the present moment. We know this can easily turn into a staring contest, so find that sweet spot where you both feel seen and connected.

4. Focus on the journey.

Instead of focusing on the destination (the orgasm), shift your focus to the entire journey of intimacy. Enjoy the build-up, the exploration, and the emotional connection. Try to appreciate every moment and every touch. When you reach orgasm, it’ll be the icing on the cake.

5. Keep communicating.

The real game changer in mindful sex is discussing your thoughts and feelings, especially the self-critical ones, outside the bedroom. Guess what? Your partner probably has similar thoughts too. Invite your partner into your world. Share your insecurities, your worries, and create a space where both of you can express yourselves without judgment. This will help you feel held and seen and make it easier to connect and let go of your negative thoughts during sex.

Remember

When you're having a sexual experience with someone else, you’re co-creating a space that's uniquely yours. Do you want that space to be clouded with doubt, worry, and self-criticism, or filled with understanding, vulnerability, and true connection? You hold the power to shape that space.

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